I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both -- Mariah Stovall, Hardcover

Susan Choi's Trust Exercise meets Nick Hornby's High Fidelity in a Black woman's coming-of-age story, chronicling a life-changing friendship, the interplay between music fandom and identity, and the slipperiness of sanity

Set in the suburbs of Los Angeles and New York City, I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both is an immersive journey into the life and mind of Khaki Oliver, who's perennially trying to disappear into something: a codependent friendship, an ill-advised boyfriend, the punk scene, or simply, the ether. These days it's a meaningless job and a comfortingly empty apartment. Then, after a decade of estrangement, she receives a letter from her former best friend. Fiona's throwing a party for her newly adopted daughter and wants Khaki to join the celebration.

Khaki is equal parts terrified and tempted to reconnect. Their platonic love was confusing, all-consuming, and encouraged their worst impulses. While stalling her RSVP, Khaki starts crafting the perfect mixtape--revisiting memories of formative shows, failed romances, and the ups and downs of desire and denial--while weighing the risks and rewards of saying yes to Fiona again.

One song at a time, from 1980s hardcore to 2010s emo, the shared and separate contours of each woman's mind come into focus. Will listening to the same old songs on repeat doom Khaki to a lonely life of arrested development? Or will hindsight help her regain her sense of self and pave a healthy path for the future, with or without Fiona?

Author: Mariah Stovall
Publisher: Soft Skull
Published: 02/13/2024
Pages: 336
Binding Type: Hardcover
Weight: 1.00lbs
Size: 8.30h x 5.80w x 1.30d
ISBN: 9781593767600

Review Citation(s):
Publishers Weekly 10/23/2023
Booklist 11/01/2023 pg. 49
Kirkus Reviews 12/01/2023

About the Author
Mariah Stovall has written fiction for the anthology Black Punk Now, and for Ninth Letter, Vol 1. Brooklyn, Hobart, the Minola Review, and Joyland; and nonfiction for The Los Angeles Review of Books, Full Stop, Hanif Abdurraqib's 68to05, The Paris Review, Poets & Writers, and LitHub. I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both is her first novel and 24 Hour Revenge Therapy is her favorite Jawbreaker album. She lives in New Jersey.